Wednesday, September 30, 2009

A day of going nowhere

Good Morning,
It is the middle of the week and this is my one day of really not having to go anywhere.
Yesterday, I had counseling and school. Rory goes to see the trust attorney today and we will see what comes out of that. Leah is being her usual self.
Nothing much else to talk about.

Monday, September 28, 2009

A new day

Good Morning,
It is Monday. This morning is relaxed, this afternoon and tonight will be busy. Yesterday was a good day. I got a bunch of things done at my pace. I got some of my fall decorations put up. The girls did their own thing and Rory went out to brunch and to the casino. I like him being gone, but I do not like him going to the casino. He feels like he has nothing else to do.
I started a book with my pictures yesterday.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

This is the day that the Lord has made

Good Morning,
This is a picture of the girls in front of Muir Woods, when we were there this summer. It was so beautiful.
Yesterday was good. I got all of the marketing done. Got a nap. Had a really great conversation with a friend and got alone time last night.
God was telling me to be quiet. I am a "do" person and for me to be quiet is difficult. I also do not know the word "no" . I am surrendering this day to the Lord, that I may do what He wants me to do. I am tired of having no energy.
Well, I am off to see what the Lord has for me today.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

The Weekend

Good Morning,
It is Saturday and I am GOING to enjoy the weekend. What does that mean to a "do" person. I should do my grocery shopping. There are things I "should" be doing, but I am going to take this day and this weekend and maybe this next week one minute at a time.
Yesterday, I met a friend and helped her to try and get organized. There are times that you think what I do, everybody else does and knows. Recently, I have learned that that is not the case. Last night, I was supposed to go to CR, but we were too tired and just felt like staying home. The girls and I did go out for Golden Spoon, but that is about it.
Happy weekend!

Friday, September 25, 2009


Good Morning,
Today is Friday and the only thing I have to do today is go to CR at 7 p.m.
Rory is watching TV upstairs and the girls are watching TV in the living room. I am going to go down to the Refinery and have some quiet time, I hope. Rory is supposed to work today, but we will see.
Yesterday was a usual Thursday. Talked to a friend and went to class yesterday afternoon. The teacher gave me some ideas of classes to take in regard to my photography. Met a friend at Costco and then came home and got dinner and Marissa's schedule. Picked up Mari early and got to bed on time. This has been a better week, as I have not tried to schedule so many things.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Crazy Wednesday

Good Morning,

It's another hot day. This picture was taken in Laguna Beach. My horizon line is in the middle, which I should not have done, but overall I love the picture.

Yesterday got crazy. Marissa was supposed to be on the bus at 11:09 and we usually leave around 10:45 and when we get to the bus stop there are 2 buses there. Yesterday there was only 1. I dropped Marissa off and went to the cleaners and then to take some pictures. I had a feeling she might have a problem with the bus and she did. The 85 bus did not show up and I had to take her to school as the next bus left at 11:29 and she would not have gotten to school on time. Earlier in the morning, Mari's work had called to ask her if she could work from 12-4. At that point it was ok. Luckily Rory was being slow in getting going. I had planned to come home after the cleaners and take Mari to work. With the bus problem, Rory had to take Mari to work. On the way to school, my cleaning people called and they were at the house at 11:30 a.m., which was early. After I dropped off Marissa, I went back to the house and let the cleaning people in, got lunch for Mari and me and then went back to school and picked up Marissa and went to Costco. I am tired just typing this. We came home and I tried to take another nap. Picked up Mari at 4 and went to Borders. Last night I had coffee with a friend and came home and went to bed.

Today, so far does not look too bad. Mari and I have photography class. I am glad I have dropped some of my committments. It makes things sort of easier.

Moving on. Trudi

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Another hot day

Good Morning, Another hot day and I tried to put up a nice cool picture that would not come up.

The girls have school and that is it for the day. Rory was sick last night and I did not get a whole lot of sleep. Mari and I got our hair done yesterday and it is nice not to have gray hair anymore or at least for a couple of weeks. We took Sweet Pea to the vet, as she deals with back spasms. Some of the medicine I give her she loves and she wants more. Anyway that is it for today.


Tuesday, September 22, 2009


Good Morning,
According to the newspaper it is the first day of fall and fall comes in at 2:18p.m. Why is it going to be 90 something degrees today.
Yesterday was a good day. Today, Mari and I are getting our hair done today and I am taking Sweet Pea to the vet, as she is having spasms in her back again. It does seem better today. Tonight is class.

Monday, September 21, 2009

A new day, a new week.

Good Morning,

This is a sunset picture, but I love the picture and it is a start to a new week and this could easily be a sunrise picture.

I am actually feeling rested today, as I did what God wants us to do on the Sabbath. I rested and yes, I did spend time in God's word.

Normal Monday, but I will get a nap and I want to continue to feel good.

Saturday, September 19, 2009

More at peace

Good morning, The weekend is here and the girls and I are going out and celebrate their b-day with their godmother.
I am so ready for fall and the changing of the leaves. We are talking about going up to Sequoia next month, just for the weekend.
Yesterday was quiet, but I still felt chaotic. I realized last night, that I was not spending enough time with God. I was focusing on my photography and not God. I need to learn just to be quiet.
Enjoy the weekend.

Friday, September 18, 2009

I am so thankful it is Friday.

Good Morning,
I am so thankful it is Friday and the ONLY place I really have to go is Celebrate Recovery. Yesterday was exhausting and I blew it last night. Rory wanted me to take him to the dentist and then I had to take Marissa to the psychiatrist and then come back and pick up Rory. I was late getting there and I got told about it later. I made sure Rory had his lunch before I left. Mari and I had a class yesterday in photography yesterday. Something I really enjoy. I need to have confidence in myself to move forward. When I got home yesterday afternoon, I was exhausted, so I took a nap in Mari's room. Came out and Rory was downstairs. Marissa was making her dinner and I told her to go ahead and put Rory's dinner together and then Rory went into lecture mode on what he wanted for a salad. In the mean time, I realized they had forgotten my dinner and I had to go back and get it and then Rory went into lecture mode on me. I blew up at him for not doing things for himself. He also brought up the girls driving and I am so tired of hearing that. Financially, the girls having licenses would fall on us and I don't think that is fair. The girls need to take responsibility for their own independence and I would rather they focus on school. I am thankful that I can take them places. I will not be going to small group any more or to counseling. Went to counseling and then went to pick up Mari. I would love to take off and take pictures, but I want a purpose to do that. OK enough of the complaining. Have a good Friday.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Busy Thursday

Good Morning,

The day at the beach was fantastic. This is one of the pictures.

Yesterday was not as busy, but last night I was very tired and decided to not go to small group. Went to Costco, got lunch and came home and got a nap. Picked up a girlfriend from work and took her home. By the time I got home, I really did not want to go anywhere else.

Rory is having dental work this morning, Marissa has a dr's appt and I have class this afternoon, as well as counseling tonight. UGH!

One step at a time! Trudi

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Good Morning,
I skipped a day, mainly because we went out early to take pictures. It was fun to go to the beach.
Went to a new counselor yesterday, who I like. Then had school last night. I want to go to Ireland.
Today is a somewhat down day. The girls are going to school about 11 and then I have to go to Costco. Pick up a friend from work at 3 and then go to small group tonight.
Onward and upward. Trudi

Monday, September 14, 2009

A new week

Good Morning,
It is a new day and a better day.
Yesterday was good. I went to a PICs Ministry meeting. I need not be afraid of my camera and I need not try to be a perfectionist. There are times I get afraid of getting into something new.
Things are also better when Rory is not around as much. Things seem more relaxed. Start to a new week, a busy week. The girls have school today and I am meeting a friend and have CR tonight.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Down in the dumps

Good Morning, I guess. It is a new day and I have my health and my family and my home and I do not have to work for a living. I have many things to be thankful for.
Yesterday was a good day, but I feel like I pushed Mari too much. I really feel like I backslid with my codependency. I want to take pictures, but I want them perfect. I am also selfish, as I want to do what I want to do or take pictures of what I want to take pictures of. I feel I am not happy with anything. Rory wants me to take care of him and I want somebody to take care of me. I know God is doing that and I do see it, but I am tired of the one doing everything and everyone else is happy and I am not happy with anything. I feel like I would rather live by myself, then I would still be unhappy.
On to other things. Today, I start the PICS ministry. I am not sure where that is going to go, but we will see. The rest of the day is open.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

It's the weekend

Good Morning,
Today is Saturday. Yesterday was a good day overall. I got many things done and I have decided that I don't want to look at photography as a job, but as something I enjoy doing. So, I am going to work my errands around photography. I know there are a lot of Trader Joe's and Target's. I am going to see where the day takes me. I am planning to go to church this afternoon and I know I need to do step study and Bible study and go over notes from school. I would love to work on photoshop. I am going to work on the quality of my pictures. Yes, I need to take pictures for school. I also need to get Mari motivated to get a job. The girls saw the Woodstock movie yesterday. Mari liked it and Marissa was bored.
Off and running

Friday, September 11, 2009

Happy Friday

Good Morning,

I can't believe it has been 8 years since 09/11/2001. I am sure we can all remember that morning. I remember Rory was watching TV and he told me I needed to come see something. At the time I thought I was watching a movie. I took the girls with me that day. That night I was working about 11 p.m. and I heard the rumble of an airplane. Mari was also awake and she asked me if I had heard the same thing.

Today is mainly a stay at home day and tonight is CR. This is going to be a busy weekend, but so what else is new.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Short week

Good Morning,
Yea! I get pictures again. This is at the Getty Museum and it is a nice soothing picture to me.
Yesterday was a busy day. A bunch of things going on with the trust and Rory went to work. Took the girls to the bus and then came home and took a nap for a short period of time. Left about 1 to pick up the girls, got them lunch and then to Dr. John's. Did some errands, then came home and took another nap. The heat does me in and I will be SO glad when it gets cooler. Last night went to small group. It is a nice group of ladies.
Today is meeting Diane for coffee and then class this afternoon and then counseling tonight. Tomorrow is nothing planned. YEA!

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Good Morning, No picture today. Oh well! Yesterday we got some things in the house fixed. Normal schedule in the morning. The girls and I had lunch and then I took a nap. Rory was complaining that I would not make lunch. I told him that there was nothing in the refrigerator that he would want. He needs to get things that he wants. He wants to have everything done for him. I am tired of this! Change is hard! He keeps saying he can't do anything. The girls and I went over to Irvine Spectrum and then drove down to Newport. Had class last night and got through one quiz. Did not sleep very well last night, as Rory didn't sleep well. OK, another day. I have things to do and places to go.

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Back to school

Good Morning,

Back to reality, after a nice long weekend. Yesterday I was very tired in the morning, so my nap helped alot. The girls and I went to a BBQ in the afternoon, which was enjoyable. Came home and took another nap. Luckily Rory had gone somewhere else.

Today is a busy day. Somethings are getting fixed around the house, going on a field trip and I think we are looking for a job for Mari. Sometimes, I think I need to find a job. I know I have a job, maybe I just need to figure out a way of making some of my own money with it or not spend so much time around the house. Tonight is school and our first test.

Off and running.

Monday, September 7, 2009

Bye to summer

Good Morning,
This is Labor Day and in a sense the last day of summer, even though some of us have already gone back to school.
Yesterday was a lazy day in some ways. I did get some things done and I got a new color printer, which I have wanted. Now I can print out my pictures. Our attorney called last night at 10 p.m.. I wish he hadn't, but oh well. Not great news, but what do I expect of my mil. Then I went downstairs and Mari wanted to talk and then at 11 p.m. I had to go pick up Marissa.
We are going to a BBQ today and I am not sure what else. I will see where God takes me. This is Labor Day and am I supposed to labor?

Sunday, September 6, 2009

God's day

Good Morning,

The girls b-day was overall enjoyable. The morning we spent just relaxing. Marissa and I had a manicure and Mari wanted a manicure and pedicure. Marissa and I finished first, so we went to Target and got Marissa a shirt. Went back to pick up Mari and then the girls went to Borders and I went to Trader Joe's and did grocery shopping. We went to Gemmell's in Dana Point for dinner.

After reading a post on Asperger's and Other Halfs, I have come to realize I deal with Adult Attachement Disorder. I did some research yesterday on that and I am going to get some professional counseling for this. Knowing this explains alot of the things I have done and how I reacted to things.

I am not sure what is going to happen today, God knows and God is in control.

Saturday, September 5, 2009

Happy Birthday Girls

Good Morning,
It is Saturday and my girls 21st b-day. I can't believe it has been 21 years. I remember the day they were born.
Yesterday was a hard day. Someone I recently met has been texting me and I feel is very demanding. I don't need someone else who is demanding. I know this person has some medical problems and is not going to be living very much longer. I try to be compassionate, but it comes back in my face that it is not my fault. I am not sure what to do with this relationship.
Rory was complaining about the lunch we made for him yesterday and that it was not perfect. I am so tired of being his servant. Later yesterday afternoon I told him that I was fed up with his anger and I am tired of being his servant. It went on from there. I am tired of the verbal and emotional abuse. I am going to start going for some real counseling, rather than lay counseling.
The girls and I went to Islands for dinner and then Mari and I went to CR last night and the message was on forgiveness.
It is the girls day today, so we will see what we do.

Friday, September 4, 2009

My girls' 21st b-day

Good Morning,

Yesterday was a long, exhausting, somewhat emotional day. Marissa had to be at work, then Mari and I had photography class. I know I am going to stay with it now. I am starting to understand what I am doing, which helps. Then I had counseling last night and that was hard. I need to learn to have fun and not be a servant to Rory. I need to trust and have faith in God and not worry about money and how long the money will last. I need to remember that God will take care of us. If it is God's will I want to be able to travel and take pictures. I want to do this for God.

Today is not really anything, except CR tonight. Marissa has to work today. I have told the girls' it is their weekend, so we will see what we end up doing.

Let go and let God.

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Another hot day

Good Morning,

This picture was taken in Irvine.

Yesterday, I got my photography homework completed and had to take Marissa to the bus. I got a chance to go out by myself to Costco. It was nice to listen to my music. Came home to reality. I have joined a new small group and went out to dinner with them and then to Night of Worship. It was very enjoyable and I love to listen to Pastor Buddy.

This morning about 4 a.m., God was talking to me. Mari has been considering giving her notice at Hallmark. God was telling me to tell her to wait until after Christmas and when I told her this morning, she told me that is what she was going to do. I also said she should then start taking 12 units, which is going to school full time. I have been looking at trying to get my pictures published and I am thinking at doing it a little bit at a time.

Something else came up on my Asperger's and Other Halves this morning about Adult Attachment Disorder/traumatic bonding. Need to look into this for myself, which might explain why I married and stay with Rory.

Lots to think about.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

A day of exploring

Good Morning,
This tank has been near the Oakley building lately, which is near our house. They have been doing photo shoots. I am not sure why Oakley put it there.
Last night was my travel class. It was hot in the classroom. Why would a new building not have the air conditioning working? Mari and I went to San Juan Capistrano to take pictures yesterday afternoon. Now I have to pick 5 pics from all of the photos that I have taken over the last week. I am enjoying taking pictures. I need to stay with the class and step outside of my comfort zone.
Tonight, I get to meet my new small group and go to Night of Worship, which I enjoy. I also get to go out to Baja Fresh. Busy day, but good day.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

Hot and humid

Good Morning,

This picture was taken a couple of years ago on New Year's morning. I took a similar picture this morning, but with more clouds.

The girls are 5 days away from being 21.

I did house stuff yesterday morning and in the afternoon, got lunch and a nap. Then I did some research on cities around here, in regard to historic things, parks and just interesting places. There are not many historic places around me. I am going to have to expand my choices.

Tonight is travel class. Not much to talk about today. Trudi